sexycazzy (sexycazzy) wrote,

Many Sides of Afraid (Stargate Atlantis, John Sheppard)

Title: Many Sides of Afraid
Author: sexycazzy
Fandom: Stargate Atlantis
Characters: John Sheppard (brief appearances from Ronon Dex, Rodney McKay & Radek Zelenka/John Sheppard)
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 669
Content/warnings: angst
Summary: Colonel John Sheppard doesn't like to feel afraid but he has a few things to be afraid of
Disclaimer: recognisable characters doesn't belong to me; they belong to the show & its creators.
Author’s Notes: written for 1_million_words' many challenges: the January's Rare Pairs, a to z challenge (A) & Word of Day - pusillanimous & stories_a_z (M)

Un~betaed - double & triple checked with my beloved Mac's spelling/grammar checker but please let me know if you see any mistakes and I will correct them (hopefully not many!) Positive comments are encouraged and welcomed!

Many Sides of Afraid

Afraid is a feeling that Colonel John Sheppard didn't want to feel.

But right now he felt afraid of dying alone as he laid under a rubble, after a building collapsed on him. He was bleeding heavily internally and in and out of consciousness as he tried to keep his eyes open.

John thought he could trust the Genii after all they have been through the last few months; they worked together, along with the Travellers, to bring the war to the Wraith, but it seemed that it was wrong to put the trust in the Genii after all.

His team tried to warn him, but John didn't listen. He never understood why; he always trusted his team. The last few months, he started to mistrust the team. John pushed away the each one of them. He was acting like that they would betray him first. John swallowed hard; he was scared of thinking that someone on his team would betray him, but quickly pushed that thought out of his mind; it was impossible - they have been through a lot together over the six years.

As he laid under the rubble of the building where John was supposed to meet the new leader of the Genii, the realization dawned on the colonel that he might have been drugged.

A few scientists and soldiers from the Genii came to live on Atlantis in the last few months, along with the Travellers so that they could finalize the plan to bring the war to the Wraith and finally beat them.

Some of them would've had the access to his drinks and meals. Maybe the Genii put something in the food or in his drinks and 'modified' John's behavior towards the team. He shook his head; John felt like a big fool for trusting the Genii in the first place.

John shuddered at the thought of dying alone. Even though he usually was the first to the rescue or to jump into danger first. This was his way of handling the fear and was also in denial that he was actually in the fear of dying alone.

John wished that he had the team with him, because he wanted to say goodbye and to tell them how much he loved each one of them; to let them know that he did really trust them; he was scared that he died with them thinking that he didn't trust them at the end.

At the same time he was glad that they didn't come through with him because he was frightened that if they came through, they would've been trapped along with him and dying.

Suddenly he heard someone calling his name out and looked up through the rubble. He frowned as he recognized the voice belonging to Ronon.

How that could be?

When the building started to collapse on him, John ran out of a room to the entrance to try to escape, but it was too late.

As the doorway fell on him, John caught a glance outside and gasped as he watched as the star-gate disappeared in front of him.

So his team couldn't have gone through the gate because it wasn't there and the planet was too far for them to fly in a puddle jumper.

John chuckled; it must have been a dream and started to close his eyes.

He dreamt that his best mate, Rodney finally got him out of the rubble and shouted to him to not close his eyes.

He dreamt that he woke up in the infirmary at Atlantis to see his lover, Radek Zelenka leaning in and kissed him furiously on the lips and whispering that he loved him so much.

Just before he passed out or died; John wasn't sure which; the colonel regretted never telling Radek how much he loved him.

John was afraid of saying the words but now he wished he did.

But it was too late.

Or was it?

Tags: comm: 1_million, fandom: stargate atlantis, pairing: sheppard/radek
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